Teen dating violence is often hidden because teenagers typically:

• are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• are pressured by peers to act violently.
• want independence from parents.
• have "romantic" views of love.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe:

• they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
• "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
• they "possess" their partner.
• they should demand intimacy.
• they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:

• they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
• their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
• abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
• there is no one to ask for help.

Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect.

Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:

• Extreme jealousy
• Controlling behavior
• Quick involvement
• Unpredictable mood swings
• Alcohol and drug use
• Explosive anger
• Isolates you from friends and family
• Uses force during an argument
• Shows hypersensitivity
• Believes in rigid sex roles
• Blames others for his problems or feelings
• Cruel to animals or children
• Verbally abusive
• Speaks negatively/disrespectfully of the opposite sex
• Abused former partners
• Threatens violence

Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:

• Physical signs of injury
• Truancy, dropping out of school
• Failing grades
• Indecision
• Changes in mood or personality

Adapted from the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence Website & From the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence newsletter, Winter 1999

Dating Safety

• Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
• Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
• Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
• If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
• Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

Adapted from the ACDV Website & The Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.

Safety Planning for Teens
If you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship it is important that you devise a plan for keeping yourself safe.

• What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?
• What people at school can you tell in order to be safe--teachers, principal, counselors, security?
• Consider changing your school locker or lock.
• Consider changing your route to/from school.
• Use a buddy system for going to school, classes and after school activities.
• What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?
• If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?
• Keep a journal describing the abuse.
• Get rid of or change the number to any beepers, pagers or cell phones the abuser gave you.
• Keep spare change, calling cards, number of the local shelter, number of someone who could help you and restraining orders with you at all times.
• Where could you go quickly to get away from an abusive person?
• What other things can you do?

Adapted from the ACDV Website